Grief and the Holiday Blues

It is "the most wonderful time of the year."  Christmas caroling, holiday parties, secret Santa and white elephant exchanges, cookie exchanges, baking extravaganzas, Christmas concerts, and family gatherings are some of the many events people look forward to when approaching the holidays.  Christmas music, vibrant lights, and delicious scents exude an ambiance of joy and goodwill.  We should all relish in the season of giving and holiday cheer, right?   I have a confession to make.  Christmas is less than a week away and I haven't ordered any Christmas cards, and we do not have any presents under our tree.  I haven't baked anything and none of our kids had any concerts or holiday events at school this year.  The pile of Hallmark Christmas movies and Christmas CD's that I usually indulge remain unopened.  This is not a typical situation in our home.  I may sound like a complete "scrooge", but truthfully, I want to enjoy Christmas, and given where I have been, it shouldn't be hard to find delight in the season of hope.  I have so much to be thankful for and countless blessings, yet my soul feels weighed with a tremendous amount of heaviness.

The Christmas season is a joyful, generous, loving, tumultuous, aggravating, and lonely time that evokes a variety of memories and emotions that tends to bring out the best and the worst in people.  It may seem like everyone else has it all together and are making it happen, but the holiday blues is actually a very real and normal situation for many of us.  I usually find Christmas to be one of the "best times of the year", and I don't understand exactly what made this year different for me.   I have recently experienced so many breakthroughs that should cause me to celebrate these victories; however, it seems like as I make strides in my own life, I take notice of circumstances and disappointments that are dragging down the people I love.   I hurt for them, plain and simple.

At church Sunday, our pastor preached a beautiful sermon on why we should be experiencing Christmas hope and making a "joyful noise" when we come before the Lord in song; however, when the Savior songs filled the sanctuary, I opened my mouth to sing the familiar carols and my lips fell silent.   Instead, I closed my eyes and found myself a little girl again at my Grandma's house, the sights, sounds, and tastes of Christmas very real and almost too much to bear.  My heart ached, and I just rested in the sacredly reminiscent moment.   Not wanting to drag out my holiday doldrums like dirty laundry to air out, I pasted on my best smile after church and gritted my teeth through greetings and pleasantries.  As the sanctuary began to empty out of cheerful carolers, a woman approached me and said to me, "I have a message for you from the Lord." With an emotional and compassionate voice, the woman shared with me that the Lord has taken notice of the long hard battle I have been experiencing, and He simply wanted me to know that I needed to trust in Him as He carries me through this extremely long season of suffering.  That was the moment that the dams broke and the tears flowed, humble tears and sacred tears knowing that God took notice and loved me enough to give a special message of hope through this devoted child of His.  Her kind words were just what I needed to hear, that my Savior wanted me to know that I am precious and loved and that it is OK to grieve.  He takes me just as I am.

It is easy to expect that we should have a certain attitude or perspective about Christmas, and if we don't meet those social norms and cultural expectations, we should feel guilty or ashamed of ourselves.  Maybe we put too much emphasis on the expectations of how the holidays should be and overlook the true meaning behind our Savior's birth.  I like to think that the Lord is taking my sorrow and grief and turning it into a sacred moment of hope by bringing me to a place of needing to totally depend on Him.  Perhaps, I am exactly where I need to be, and it is enough!

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JOYFUL TREASURES:  Be Kind

"Be kind because everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle"  --Plato

Don't forget that each one of us is facing a battle of some sort and so many are grieving, especially during the holidays.  When we change our outlook on humanity and see each other as image bearers of God amidst very real and hard struggles, it levels the playing field so that we can demonstrate more kindness and compassion for each other.  

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For more information about making it through the holidays:

https://puresimplewholeliving.blogspot.com/2018/11/surviving-holidays.html
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r-Kq-RFCekI&t=2s