Victory Over Optical Illusions: a Perspective on Autism

My daughter and I recently started to put together a series of videos about our family's daily experiences with chronic illness and disabilities.   We both have a desire to use our challenges as a testimony so that we can rise above our circumstances and help others have insight.  Our mission is to inspire those who have their own struggles to get out of their comfort zone and share their stories.  I have been blogging about living with chronic Lyme disease for more than seven years and have made this a platform for my ministry to encourage others and to pursue joy in all circumstances.  In doing the vlogging series, Heart of the Dragon, we have taken these experiences at another level with candid videos about our daily pursuits. In these pursuits, we decided to come forward publicly and share her testimony.

I can testify that the emotional process of parenting a an autistic child has been like walking through a foreign country, unsure of how to navigate our surroundings--so we wing it.  Since my daughter's experience doesn't fit the autism stereotype, we went through stages of denial and misunderstanding about her situation.  We did provide early intervention for her through local services and early childhood programs; however, because there was no concrete diagnosis until she was in high school, we did not have many resources or information on how to help her.  We just took it a day at a time and worked through it as we went.  We made plenty of mistakes along the way but encouraged her to be independent and work as hard as she could given her situation.  Later on, I realized how inadequate her support system was; however, there were a couple of teachers who understood her and made a positive impact on her life.  As an adult, she has become an amazing advocate for autistic children and adults, and I am extremely proud of the difference she has made.

I sometimes wish that I would have had the knowledge and resources that I am aware of now when she was a child so that we could have been more understanding and supportive of her needs; however, we are very thankful and blessed to have such a kind and dedicated daughter.  She has always been socially reserved and not many have had the honor to know the quirky, funny, brilliant, and delightful young lady that we know.  I have always had a secret desire to share the person I know with the world so that those who have misunderstood her could see her for who she really is.

This summer, we began our mission to take victory over our lives and had an incredible time in the process.  Most recently, we did a series of videos about a family vacation to Branson, MO.  My favorite video was about her perspective on optical illusions at the Ripley's Believe it or Not Museum.  I was fascinated to find out that she could go through a very disorientating exhibit without any problem while everyone else had significant struggles, some not being able to get through it at all. The reason why it was easy for my daughter was because her autistic brain enabled her to see details that others would not notice, and she was able to figure out how the optical illusion worked.   It was amazing for me to observe her perspective on the the exhibit. Others were also fascinated by the video we made about the exhibit because of its enlightening perspective.  When I told my daughter about the response to the video, she laughed and told me that she doesn't want be seen as a "super hero" or an "awesome autistic."  She just wants people to see her for who she really is and accept her as a person.  My daughter knows I see her as a hero.  My kids are all my heroes because they are fighters and they inspire me.  I am excited to share more about autism through my writing ministry and put together a few video clips about it as well.  We hope to bring a new light to  our unique situation and let others who are autistic know that they can thrive no matter what challenges they face!

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JOYFUL TREASURES:  Be Real and Share Your Story!

" I don't want my thoughts to die with me, I want to have done something.  I'm not interested in power or piles of money.  I want to leave something behind.  I want to make a positive contribution- know that my life has meaning."  --Temple Grandin

We all have a story to share.  Don't be afraid to speak up and be a testimony.  You never know who might need to hear your story.  You can change the world one word or idea at a time!

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Here is the video we put together about my daughter's perspectives on optical illusions during our recent trip to Branson.  Please note that she has since corrected me on how to describe autism as she doesn't use the phrase "autism spectrum" and finds the term "high functioning autistic" to be degrading.  I also have quoted autism advocate and author, Temple Grandin, in this video and in my blog.  My daughter has made it clear that she does not agree with some of the things Grandin has said about autism and she is not a fan of her work.  Since first posting this blog and video, I have learned that there are many common misconceptions about autism, and I do the best I can to show respect to the autistic community by noting these misconceptions and respecting their preferences.  I have shared Grandin's work in this case because of her enlightening perspective on optical illusions from an autistic point of view:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xsLw5-pnn-4

For more information about Temple Grandin and her movie about optical illusions:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWuem1ViVDE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UGbFUajfNe8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UKhg68QJlo0

Victory Over Suffering: A Pursuit of Joy

This week, we are on a family vacation in Branson, MO.  I honestly cannot recall the last time I was able to fully enjoy something as big as a vacation!  Our family took a trip to Mt. Rushmore three years ago, and although I was able to go see the national monument and visit a few tourist attractions, I had to spend a considerable amount of time on the trip resting or in bed.  I have been looking forward to this vacation for almost a year and excitedly planned all the fun tourist attractions and events we would participate in.  My husband was thrilled about my enthusiasm.  He has sincerely wanted to meet my expectations and make it a memorable trip for me.  Some of the tourist attractions I wanted to see were somewhat out of the way, so we decided to leave a day early to make it work.  Monday night, we were off on our family adventure.  Unfortunately, we barely made it across the border into Minnesota when we had the first mishap with a blown tire on a very busy interstate bridge over the St. Croix River.  The tire blowout was the first of a handful of setbacks that  made for a long tense two-day drive which forced us to canceled my plans for Tuesday.

Over the past several years, I began to realize how much I took for granted prior to my battle with chronic Lyme disease.  Consequently, I also discovered the simple pleasure of letting go of expectations and enjoying life as it is.  Until recently, my expectations have been minimal.  As I began to make breakthroughs in my health, I decided to make this a "victory" summer.  I have done more activities in the past month than I probably have in 10 years.  My daughter and I have been making weekly videos to document these victories.  They may not be the best quality filming; however, our videos are candid, real, and have enriched both our relationship and our enthusiasm for our mission to inspire others.  Annika's younger brothers have relentlessly teased us about making them, but we are having so much fun! This trip was to be our greatest victory in our summer project, and I think we probably made our expectations a little too high in the process of planning it.

It is funny how we can allow our expectations lead to disappointment when things do not turn out the way we pictured them.  When I think about all the times I had to completely miss out on events, the disappointment I experienced yesterday over a delay in plans now seems silly to me.  I should just be glad that I can make the trip with a few accommodations and let it be at that.  I am certain that in looking back at our vacation; we will focus on the wonderful memories we made and probably will chuckle about some of  our setbacks.

My husband and I at Silver Dollar City

Several years ago, I made it my mission to pursue joy in all things, which has not been an easy task given my circumstances.  This pursuit was the inspiration for this blog and for my social media name, "Joyful Mama."  I can honestly say that I frequently fail at this pursuit; however, I continue to stay with it.  The truth is that I was tired of feeling sorry for myself and tired of expecting others to feel sorry for me.  When your life is suddenly put on hold by something like an illness or condition, you become easily absorbed in your own suffering.  I equate it to a similar experience as going through a pregnancy in which every waking moment can easily be consumed with thoughts about the baby you are expecting, and you find yourself talking about it with everyone.  When you are constantly in pain, sick, having vertigo, heart palpitations, tremors, etc, it is nearly impossible to ignore or not think about it all the time.  The difference between a pregnancy and a chronic illness is that thoughts revolving around pregnancy do tend to be more joyful and the people around you are more likely to want to engage in discussions about a baby coming into the world.  I had to come to terms with the fact that people may not be comfortable discussing my illness or symptoms, and I had to be OK with that.  At some point, I made a decision let go of my expectations for myself and the people in my life.  In this process, I unearthed confidence and joy in at a new level which cannot be explained in worldly terms.

How do you find joy when you are suffering and in pain?  How do you find joy when you are worrying about your health, your family, or your finances?  How do you find joy when the circumstances of your life is the opposite of joyful?  Joy is an intentional pursuit which can only be fulfilled in a daily personal relationship with God.  I make joy intentional by choosing to focus on what is good in my life and putting together multiple lists of what I am thankful for.  My methods may seem too simple; however, these simple pursuits have supernaturally enriched my life in a way I cannot begin to describe.

To those who are in the middle of a very difficult battle with illness, anxiety, or depression; I am not intending to minimize your suffering or be trite to your pain.  I have been there.  I know from personal experience that there is no fathomable way to "suck it up" or make yourself not feel the way you do.  It is more of a matter of clinging to God and holding on to those promises when nothing else makes sense.  When you feel like you are losing everything, God can seem like all that is left.   God's promises may seem so far away that you could never dream of finding the light out of the darkness of your circumstances.  It takes a tremendous amount of trust to keep going when it seems like you have lost hope.    It may not seem like there is a light, but I assure you there is and hope may come in an unexpected way.  My hope was grounded in reflecting on Christ's unimaginable suffering for my sake.  At my lowest point, I felt a kinship to the story of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.  He was in  so much anguish that He literally sweat drops of blood.  This story brought more comfort to me than anything the world could offer.  If anyone understands our suffering, it is Jesus. 

Now that I am on the other side of falling into the pit of despair, I frequently feel a tremendous amount of joy knowing that I can achieve victory and take back when the enemy of illness has robbed.  In experiencing this joy, I have come to realize how deceptive our feelings are.  Just as I don't always feel in love with my spouse, children, God, etc., I don't always feel happy.  Sometimes I feel sad, anxious, or overwhelmed; however, I am committed to live my life serving my spouse, children, and God.   I am committed to make the best of what God has given me, including the hardships.

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JOYFUL TREASURES:  Count it All Joy

"Count it all joy when you face trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.  And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."  --James 1:2

Roses are a beautiful reminder that though life gives us thorns, beauty remains in the steadfastness of our trials.  Our suffering may be for a season; however, the "Blessed Controller of All Things" will somehow meet us in our place of hardship to carry us through the valley.  Someday, we will receive our reward for these hardships.  Victory comes not in what we have done to overcome our sorrows; but what our Creator has done for us. 

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To learn more about my daily pursuit of joy in how I manage both my exercise and devotional time, you can watch my recent video about joy: