Face it, the holidays are just plain stressful for the healthiest person. Our culture has imposed so many expectations and demands on us, whether cleaning and decorating homes, going to endless parties, baking for cookie exchanges, or buying the perfect gift for a secret Santa. We are all trying to pack as much "stuff" into the short 4-6 weeks to meet both cultural and family expectations. These expectations are enough to drive anyone crazy. Those who have lost loved ones or have estranged relationships; the holidays can be very lonely and evoke various emotions of grief, sadness, depression, and anger. Top that off with a debilitating condition or an illness, and the holidays can become unbearable.
During the Thanksgiving and Christmas holidays, family dynamics can be very complicated and stressful. Many chronic conditions cause various physical and emotional impairments along with multiple sensitivities to food and chemicals. It can be challenging for other family members to understand why it is difficult for the person to travel for a holiday event or participate with a family dinner because of both physical weakness and various sensitivities. Those who are home bound and too sick to attend the event are often plagued with feelings of guilt, isolation, and loneliness.
How do we survive the holidays when we struggle with chronic conditions and invisible disabilities? It starts with our attitudes. We somehow have to let go of our expectations as to what the holidays should be, and then be OK with making a simpler and less stressful version of that expectation. While spending the holidays with extended family, we must be open and honest about what we can and cannot handle and be firm with family about certain expectations. We must be prepared for traveling and have the courage to openly communicate what our needs are. We may need to make compromises and other accommodations when those needs cannot be reasonably met by family. It takes a lot of patience and grace from all ends.
When I travel for the holidays, it is extremely stressful because I have to be prepared for everything including all of my meals, supplements, and my treatments. I also have to prepare myself for the stress on both of my body/nervous system from the drive as well as any environmental triggers I may face. I will emotionally prepare myself for any family dynamics including questions about my health, diet, etc. Fortunately, our extended family has overall been very gracious and understanding; however, that doesn't mean that it isn't embarrassing when something in the environment triggers a reaction. I also frequently have to work through feelings of guilt that I am being an unnecessary burden to whoever is hosting us during the holidays.
Three years ago, I had planned on spending Thanksgiving and my 40th birthday with my extended family in Kansas. About a month before my birthday, I had a relapse in symptoms and found out from my practitioner that I had a serious case of Lyme disease. I was devastated. Instead of heading to Kansas, I spent my 40th birthday bedridden in a dark room because any light triggered tachycardia and seizure-like tremors. My husband and children brought their dinner in the bedroom and shared a birthday meal around my bed with just a small night light on. Our Thanksgiving was a quiet affair in which I was able to get out of bed just long enough to have turkey dinner with my husband and children. I will never forget their kindness and sacrifice for my sake.
That Christmas was very difficult for me because it had been over a year since I had seen my parents and it didn't look like I would see any family. When I found out that my husband's siblings would be in the area but didn't plan on spending their Christmas celebration with us, I broke down and cried with grief over spending yet another Christmas season without seeing our extended family. My mother-in-law happened to be there as I expressed my grief, and she arranged to have a family Christmas dinner at our house. It was such a blessing to see family that day. Each one of my in-laws and nieces/nephews came into the bedroom to spend time with me. One of the sweetest moments was when I was in bed reading my Bible and my great niece, Alexis, came in the room to ask me what I was reading. Her eyes lit up when I showed her the verse. My heart was full that day.
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JOYFUL TREASURES: Shared Blessings
Psalm 100:4-5- "Enter his gates with thanksgiving, and his courts with praise! Give thanks to him; bless his name! For the Lord is good; his steadfast love endures forever, and his faithfulness to all generations."
We have started a family tradition of sharing what we are thankful for at intimate family birthday dinners and other holiday events. When we have a private Thanksgiving dinner, we each go around the table and take a moment to thank each other. It makes the moment all the more special. God's gifts are precious treasures to behold.
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For more information about Chronic Conditions and Invisible Disabilities, you can read some of my other blog posts:
https://puresimplewholeliving.blogspot.com/2018/10/im-not-ashamed-daughters-perspective.html
https://puresimplewholeliving.blogspot.com/2018/09/glimpse-into-chronic-illness-life-on.html
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