As a teenager, I had very fond memories of attending an amusement park in Kansas City called Worlds of Fun. The first time I rode a roller coaster, I walked up to the huge contraption, terrified of what the outcome would be. On a ride called the Orient Express, I discovered a new kind of freedom mingled with a combination of excitement and sheer terror. Heading over that first bend and then eventually flipping upside down evoked an incredible adrenaline rush that my young mind savored. In that screaming joyful moment, I was free! I loved it! Afterwards, I would stand up, knees knocking, feeling a little off balance and unsteady, my heart still racing with the memory of the thrill of victory. The ground seemed to keep moving temporarily as I gained my bearings, yet I craved the freedom of the coaster.
Lyme disease and chronic vertigo became my roller coaster 25-30 years later. I experienced excruciating moments of terror as my life felt like it was diving over the bend and flipping upside down. It was like an adrenaline rush without the freedom or joy--more like being locked up and trapped in a nightmare that stealthily ebbed away at my existence and left me off balance. I attempted to gain my bearings, yet was unable to do so for years at a time. With having a vestibular disorder that induced chronic vertigo, sea legs, and impaired balance, my body literally felt like I had just walked off that roller coaster. The ground would feel like it was vibrating, moving, and tilting. That has been my life off and on for the past 10 years since my fist tick bite.
Although I have never been able to get my body back to where it was before my tick bite, I have made steady gains in the last two years since I have been in remission from the disease. My husband, Mel, and my daughter, Annika, have both encouraged me to be courageous in getting out and taking my life back by gaining new experiences. Things like taking a walk, going to church, shopping, and attending a concert or athletic event have been exciting victories for all of us. Missing out on mother/daughter activities has been a source of grief for my daughter and I, as it felt like we were both robbed of her childhood and teenage years. We decided to make up for lost time by making new memories together. Annika and I used the idea of taking our lives back, restoring our loses, and having new adventures to create a vlog and share some of our experiences on video.
With Annika turning 20 earlier this month, we decided to celebrate her 20th birthday by going to the Mall of America and doing some fun activities together. Last week, we packed up my wheelchair, grabbed food, supplements, and medical devices needed to make the trip a success, and we headed out to the mall to meet our cousins. Our lives are extremely hectic right now, so I ended up staying up 48 hours to catch up on some work at home and prepare for the outing. I was exhausted that day; however, I knew how much it meant to Annika, so I said a little prayer and we were off on our adventure.
At the mall, we decided it would be fun for Annika and her cousins to take me on an amusement park ride at Nickelodeon Universe and video the experience. Annika made some calls the day before and it was recommended to try the Pepsi Roller Coaster ride. Thinking it would be more of a "kiddie" roller coaster ride, I reluctantly agreed. I was unsure how the ride would affect my vestibular disorder but I figured it would be pretty simple. Although it was nothing like the Orient Express, the Pepsi had many dips and dives associated with a roller coaster ride and that old exciting feeling of terror and thrill swept upon me. Because of my dizziness, I had to keep my eyes closed most of the ride. I did scream a couple or times and, to my daughter's amusement, I shouted a few bible verses. I closed my eyes and momentarily found myself that teenager again, thrillingly free. That momentary feeling evoked a turmoil of memories for me, and when I attempted to describe the feeling for the camera, a flood of emotions hit me. I was shaken afterwards, yet I felt as though I overcame a huge hurdle in my life and was ready to conquer the world!
A while later, I took Annika and her cousins out to eat at the Rainforest Cafe. It felt good to be able to pay for their meal. At the cafe, Annika and I shared her birthday meal. Because of my digestive disorder, I have only eaten out 3 times prior to that in the last 8 years, the last time was about 2 years ago. Steak was the only thing on the menu I thought I could handle, but it was delicious. Going to the mall, shopping, and eating out was such a blessing! That day, I had an adrenaline rush of joy for those steps we took to take my life back! After our trip to the mall, I attended a concert at a bandshell along the St Croix River, where my daughter performed on her tenor saxophone. It was a full exhausting joyful day in which I spent 2 days resting in bed to recover from it but it was so worth it!
Annika and I making silly faces as we reminisced about our crazy day at the mall!
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JOYFUL TREASURES: Redemptive Power
"I will restore to you the years the locusts have eaten..." --Joel 2:25a
When a chronic illness robs a person of their livelihood, loss is a difficult thing to endure; however, Christ's redemptive power is greater than our loss. One day, we will receive a crown of victory. The future awaiting us is more incredible than we could ever imagine! Meanwhile, we can be more than conquerors here on earth as we trust God's promises and believe He will bestow on us an abundance of blessings in our mortal lifetime.
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Here is the video Annika and I put together about our day at the Mall of America:
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