Dear Lyme,
Nine years ago you, wormed your way into my life without me knowing it, joining your friend mold who was also wreaking havoc on my body while I was oblivious to his unwelcome invasion. You tormented me for two years, leaving me to think I must be crazy, ashamed and guilty for the misery from the constant pain and vertigo you brought with you. Coworkers, family, and friends didn't understand what was happening to me. They tried to help with their suggestions for different diets, detox protocols, hormone replacements, therapies, exercises, and other tips that might help. Some suggested that Satan was the culprit and I needed to turn to the Lord and repent of my sins. Doctors suggested I get some counseling to deal with my emotional instability. No matter what I tried, nothing worked, and I felt alone, abandoned, and ashamed of my failure. Once you made yourself known, it was too late, and then I found out that your unwelcome presence wasn't enough for you. You came like a thief in the night and brought along all of your buddies. Bartonella, EBV, Candida, Mycoplasma, West Nile, and host of other parasites and bacterium decided to join the party. You and your friends attacked my intestines, brain, and nervous system; and you decided to invite the big guns when you brought in the fighters to attack my cells, immune system, and the myelin that protected my nerves so they could communicate effectively. You gave me metal toxicity and food allergies so that I could not tolerate eating a normal diet anymore. You took away my energy, balance, and my mobility. Once my doctor put me on antibiotics in an attempt to take you out, the toxic exposure from your "die off" was my undoing, leaving its permanent imprint on my already weak and compromised body, causing a severe case of POTS with tremors and heart palpitations as well as a host of chemical sensitivities and other reactions that would cause me to be bed ridden for months and housebound for years.
Didn't you know that I had an infant son, a husband, and two other kids that needed me and a career that was setting off with a new promotion? Didn't you understand that I had desires, ambitions, and goals for my life and our precious family? Didn't you care that I needed to see my parents and sister who live far away, or that my parents aren't getting any younger and traveling was becoming increasingly difficult for them? Did it matter that I wanted to see my aunts, uncles, and cousins, but every time we tried to arrange a get together something fell apart and I wasn't up for it? You certainly didn't care if I grieved all the holidays and events I missed with our family members; my spot empty at tables, church events, concerts, and ballgames. It didn't phase you that I had a daughter who was growing up and needed her mama to take her shopping and teach her all the things that girls needed to know in entering adolescence. You could have cared less that my sons needed a mama to be strong and hearty for their rowdy play, taking them to swimming lessons and cheering them on at sporting events. What is it to you that my oldest barely remembers a healthy mom or that the other two only remember having a mom in pain and struggling to get through the day.
Every time I thought I was finally on top of the disease and heading in the right direction, you came back with a vengeance in a relapse or one of your buddies reared their ugly head in my body. After five long years of clearing you and your friends out, I was finally in remission, but the damage was so widespread that my body was still trying to recover years of abuse, and I was forced to face the reality that some of the damage may never be reversed. You gave me five years of heart-aching battles, enduring moments when I thought I was in a never-ending nightmare. I clung hard to a glimmer of hope that some day I would be set free from your torment. When it seemed like the nightmare might finally be over, I discovered that your friend mold didn't care if I was in remission and wanted to keep the party going so he invited his best friends histamine and the "bad guys" that like to invade intestinal tracts to stick around and join in on the fun. Even though my energy is returning and I have opportunities to get out of the house more often to participate in family events, we must continue to bear the burden of your thumbprint that has indefinitely marked our lives.
Oh, how I loath you, the worst of all enemies, the evilest of foes. You have managed to baffle most doctors and medical practitioners as you bring down countless unknown victims in your web of horrors. You are one of the greatest epidemics of our time, yet the reality of your loathsome presence is the biggest mystery and one of the greatest controversial scandals our world faces at this moment. The medical community and the CDC has tried to write off your existence as a myth, giving many little to no access to medical care or insurance coverage. You are a thief who robs people of their health, sanity, physical well-being, financial stability, family, security, home, and their hope. You are one of the greatest forces of evil that has been brought on by a fallen sinful world.
You may have thought you could bring down whoever was overcome by your powerful grasp of sickness, lies, and denial; however, you have underestimated the faith and strength of your many victims. You thought that you won; but, guess what, God wins! You underestimated the spirit of God, His healing power, hope, and empathy that is stronger than the weakest of bodies. You miscalculated the power of prayer, community, and the church. You sold short the determination of a mind that won't give up no matter what. You have knocked me down time and again, but not once did I bow down to you or give up! You couldn't fathom that one day I would say that I didn't regret what I have been through because of the good that came out of it.
My relationship with God is much stronger than it ever would have been, and I have a platform to share my faith in a much more powerful way than if I was never ill. I have had the honor to not only suffer along with Christ, but empathize and suffer with my brothers and sisters who have also been marred by your evil grasp. My marriage is ten times stronger than it ever was before Lyme, and my husband and I love each other deeper than we could imagine. My children are much more compassionate and understanding than if I would never have been sick. My kids have told me that although it has been very hard to see me suffer, how thankful they are knowing that when they come home from school they are reassured I am always there. My teenager daughter is one of my closest friends. We rarely argue, and she is very devoted and fiercely protective of me. My two sons joyfully help, pray, and serve when they see I am weak and hurting. I now enjoy cleaning and serving my family even when I am experiencing pain and weakness because I feel so blessed to be capable of doing it. I am more bold and confident than ever before. I rarely worry about what others think of me, and my joy comes from a wellspring of hope and love that only a heavenly Creator can provide. I appreciate all that was taken granted before your arrival. Laughing is sweeter. Moments with my are family more fulfilling.
When I stop and think about it, I have countless blessings that way outnumber the grief, heartache, and losses that you brought into our lives. Although some in my circle may have questioned or criticized me and others exited my life because they were too busy or didn't know how to handle it, I have a greater and stronger network of friends and family than ever before. I have met some of the most amazing people that I would have never known if it wasn't for my battle with chronic Lyme. I have found strength, fight, and joy in places I never knew existed. I have a renewed warrior spirit, and once I have my mind set on something, anyone or anything that tries to stop me better watch out! So, don't think for a second that you get the upper hand. With God. the church, an amazing medical team, and my family and friends on my side, you don't have a chance buddy! You can gladly leave now and find someone else torment because I am done with you and have come out the better person because of it. Have a nice day and don't let the door hit you on the way out!
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JOYFUL TREASURES: God Wins!
Psalm 44:5 "Through you we will push back our adversaries; through your name we will trample down those who rise up against us."
When we face seemingly impossible situations, let us never forget the big picture. The "future weight of glory" far outweighs our present sufferings. I have read the book, and I can testify that in the end, God wins. Let us stand firm together to achieve victory!
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For more information about my personal testimony and Lyme disease, you can visit these other blog posts:
About Chronic Lyme: http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2012/12/chronic-lyme-disease.html
https://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-suffering.html
https://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/03/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-suffering-2.html
My Story: http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2012/11/enduring-winter-my-battle-with-lyme.html
https://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/07/the-good-fight-my-lyme-relapse.html
https://dzehm.blogspot.com/2016/09/the-lyme-labyrinth-crushed-spirit.html
https://dzehm.blogspot.com/2017/01/out-of-labyrinth-part-1-healing-through.html
https://dzehm.blogspot.com/2017/01/out-of-labyrinth-part-2-lessons-ive.html
Nancy's Story: http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2014/10/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-hope-nancys.html
Logan's Story: http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2014/12/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-youth.html
Sally's Story: http://dzehm.blogspot.com/2015/02/the-voices-of-lyme-voice-of-battle.html
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